After the Show...

Horton Hears a Who:
Belief, the other white meat… (Is this really about a movie?)

Premise; Just because YOU don't hear god talking to you, doesn't mean he doesn't exist! Just watch this movie and you too will finally understand what the believers have been trying to tell you, heathen. This movie bears witness to the horrific dangers of skepticism and the glorious power of faith! It is also a testament somehow, to the frightful perils of blind trust and the ever redeeming values of the active mind.

This movie has two main morals…
    1. Just because you cant prove the reality of something, via any means known to any human who has ever lived, doesnt mean you shouldnt swear your entire life to it, judge the rest of existence by it, and teach your kids to believe in it too, you betcha (And)
    2. Never blindly pledge allegiance to anything, or follow any crowd, or anyone, (even your own mother!) without KNOWING why.
Just a few questions that severely impair the movie narrative (as seen by the children who watched it with me).

First of all, (in my opinion) the movie was about religion, pure and simple. The great voice was only heard by one being, and the whisper was only heard by the great one. So if you are into god, this is a perfect way to mold the mind of your child to believe in things one can (seemingly) never verify. But, why could this never be verified? Why wouldn’t someone, somewhere be able to verify it? Why couldn’t the other elephants verify that, “yes, there are voices coming from that little speck.” This is the reasoning of a child! If one can do a thing, someone like that one should also be able to do it. Which brings up an excellent point…

Why is it some people believe that showing naked bodies to children will harm them, but yet they are silent when a movie shows violence? In the same aspect, why do the people who rally against violent material, not rally against stupid, brainless, inane, illogical, irrational material marketed as correct behavior to those same children? Let’s reason on this:

What has the possibility of doing mankind more harm;
    1. a child seeing the penis, teats, vagina or buttocks of fellow humans;
    2. a child seeing the general willful harm, shooting, stabbing or exploding of fellow humans;
    3. a child seeing the abject forfeiture of reason and willful neglect of logic as leading to salvation.
Which of these, if they were inculcated into the mind of all children (as if some of these are not), would be the guaranteed end of human civilization? I just find it very interesting that people don’t see the development of reasoning skills as the ultimate mediator when it comes to sex (because of which we all exist) and violence (because of which we all exist), but instead, when confronted by things of inane nature say things like, “Well, it’s only a movie…” If one can say that about the movies that dumb down an audience, why isn't it said about the ones that glorify sex?

Was the fact that a main character had next to no reasoning ability or that they neglected to teach their offspring respect was suppose to be negated by the “hilarity” that ensued as the character’s role was played out? As we watched the movie, “Why is he doing that” was often heard. But then again, my kids are not the average brain-dead spawn of retard semen. Upon seeing the climax, we were all left pretty dumb founded that the story had been allowed to progress to that point, but there were lessons to learn from the tale (no there weren't, I'm just attempting to add some sort of "G.I.JOE" ending; some of that, "and knowings half the battle" shit).
  1. Do some research; If not in the roots or basis of a belief, then into the mindset of the people who believe it.
  2. Attempt to verify the “facts” , or “truths” used for promoting the belief by searching them out for yourself.
It is very possible that you might (could just possibly) save the whole entire world from killing itself in a holy war (maybe perhaps you bet’cha).

Back to the movie...
All in all, even with the religious subtext, it really is a humorous movie with themes that even young retarded children should find simple to recognize. Watch it with your kids, and see if they are as smart as mine (here's a hint, they're not)!

Screen shots of Horton the elephant © 2005 Twentieth Century Fox. All Rights Reserved. I have no relationship with Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation (as if you thought I did). Images used under United States Code Title 17, Chapter 1, Subsection 107 "Fair use".


Let's Talk Realty

Lets talk Realty

The word literally means, "real possession". Possess as in, "to hold, occupy, reside in" (without regard to ownership).

So, let me ask; the common space we occupy, where we all as living beings reside, is it real or not, is it really reality? This question may sound strange to some, but the truth of the matter is, there are those among us who believe in different literal realities. We are not talking about different planes of existence, which are at the foundation of many sciences (science, being a specific method which is used just as any tool, for the purpose of objective study any given subject). Anyone who has even partially studied such fields as cellular theory, atomic theory, or astrophysics, knows there exists different rules regarding matter. These could be loosely defined as different realities of existence because matter when being viewed from different scales of size distance or even speed, act and react according to specific and in many cases unique physics; but these are still only different rules found within nature. Nature, as we exist in it (as part of it and it as part of us), is reality; it is the realty of which we and all we can perceive exists. From this internal prospective, there is only reality, and non. The entirety of perceptible existence is what characterizes reality. All that is not perceptible in this reality, is outside of knowable existence.

I live in reality, and you?

What if I told you, "There exists a being that lives outside of reality,” what would you say? Would you ask me how I knew, or would you just accept this belief as your own and continue about your day? What if I was your life partner, and I told you, "The being from the other side of existence, has seen fit to bless us with a meal, we should thank it." Would you ask me how I knew, or would you then raise your head and look to the ceiling with me, and proceed to offer thanks to it? What if I was your life partner and we had children, and I told you, "The being which lives outside of existence commands me to kill our child," what would you do?

So, I'm a Realist, a person who believes in what is real. This may sound strange to some, "Surely everyone believes in what is real?" I wish that were the case, but sadly it is not. Some actually believe in that which is not real, even putting a higher value and trust in that for which there exist no evidence (evidence, being that for which direct indication or indirect inference exists). Some have attempted to form their lives around that for which there exists no evidence. Reality for these people is divided into physical and spiritual (not spirit as it was first meant, "the breath one takes in and exhales", but as in some other realm which they believe to be outside of this reality). Their claim is that everything we see came from outside this reality; from the spirit world. Before the methodology had been devised for a scientific effort to provide logical reasoning, based on factual happenings of perceptible natural events, humans had their questions answered by the mystical, magical, "god did it" and why not? Without any better answers even the most reasonable person would find comfort in "knowing" the how and why behind their perceived existence. However, as humanity has developed we have become prone to asking questions of our beliefs and actually seeking reasonable answers. Now, the same answers of old have begun to ring very hollow.

When scientist attempt to find this "spiritual" realm, they are used to the excuse (excuse= reason for failure), "There's a separation between the physical realm and the spiritual realm". No matter the experiment, science has been unable to affirm the existence of any realm, which resides outside of existence. Just try to think up an experiment by which a material substance could detect that which is immaterial. Every particle that exhibits wave function, and every energy state of matter, and every frequency of particle movement, and every substance, material, form, or fashion of thing, is in reality. How can ANYTHING that exists in reality, be effected by that which does not?

Imagine the force that exists between the constituents of all manner of atomic and subatomic structure. This force holds the structures together in a fashion similar to how gravity holds a planet together (more so like how the force of gravity holds solar systems and galaxies in their states, but hopefully you get the idea). If we existed under the same rules of existence as the atom though, the extreme strength of the force exhibited on us would change our apparent reality. If, by some magic, we were still alive and not crushed into singularities by that force, we would be completely blind, as light would no longer react in the same manner it does at our current level of perception.

Lets reverse this thought, from the view of a particle. Atomic nuclei would completely fly apart if the force which holds them together were as weak as the force of gravity, no atomic nucleus could exist under such a weak bond. So lets look at an effect commonly stated to be a sign of the "spirit", feelings. Using the same criteria of all other sciences, we look at what causes the feelings to be perceived and we see chemicals every time. The mind reacts to chemical stimuli and builds its own chemicals in response. The brain reacts to all stimuli by making chemicals. These chemicals regulate both glands and organs, giving us feelings of elation, depression, fear, or love. We know this to be true from studying the mind of those who do not feel certain emotions or feel them less. We find there is a lack of certain chemicals. A chemical is the combination of fundamental atomic chains, like hydrogen, lithium, oxygen, and the like. These chained structures are made of sub atomic structures (notice how everything is still founded solidly within reality). These sub atomic structures are held together by what is called the weak force. Look at the direct line that we can draw between what we as individual humans subjectively experience, and the object reality of the atomic realm. When people say, "I'm feeling the holy spirit", science can answer where the feeling comes from, the specific mechanics behind how it is formed, and it can even reproduce the feeling in pill form; holy spirit in a gel-cap. There is a definite separation between the perceived strong force of atomic attraction exhibited at the sub atomic level and perceived force of gravity exhibited in and between solar bodies, yet science can easily describe, explain, and make accurate predictions using their findings.

What does this have to do with real life?

The debate between Faithers and Realists should come to a head where children are concerned. In the Christian version of reality, a being exists which has been said to tell its followers to kill their neighbor, kill their brother, sister, father, mother, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, husband, wife and to even kill their sons and daughters- Genesis 22, Exodus 32: 26- 29. This being even takes satisfaction in killing its sons and daughters itself- 1 Chronicles 21:1-14, Ezekiel 5:8-10. In the mind of the Faither, these are not unreasonable actions for a loving "heavenly father".

How is it okay to teach a child that they should worship a being that would command their parents to kill them, all the while stating the being loves them and cares for them. How is this a healthy thing for children to grow up believing? What sane parent would tell their child, "love sometimes means you have to be placed upon a bed of kindling, bound tightly so your body will not fight me and god's love as your throat is slit open so your steaming blood will not defile your burning fat as it gives god a restful odor, dearest."



Distant Lover, Valentine's day

Traveling the country without one's partner is often very tough. For many individuals a common issue of serious long distance relationships is not having that one person there with them to experience the minute incidentals of life. One may find, it is the intricacies that when shared seem to be the substance which adds so much to our existence. Maintaining the connection with a life partner can be tricky when great distance is introduced as part of the equation.

Whether one is a shallow minded flake, an opinionated blow hard, or a deep thinking skeptic, we all share a common feeling which we project on our beloved partners, "this person gets me". Having the person who one feels "gets them" around, validates one's experiences;

  • "yes, those boots with the fur do look quite juvenile"
  • "you are so right, that scene was very provoking"
  • "no, you didn't cut that person off, I'll give them the finger for you"
The persons we choose (or reject) are distinct reflections of our sensibilities, fears, strengths and faults. When we find the one's we deem as our best fit, our "life partners", often times we feel as if we have found ourselves, "you complete me". They take your heart with them when they leave, and keep your heart when you go.

Being perpetually in this situation, I have developed a number of methods to combat the terrible vacuum left when away from my life partner, which I will now share with you... you're welcome.

1) Remove all their images and exposed articles of clothing from open view.
It is difficult, if not impossible to keep thoughts of a life partner from floating into one's mind, but this always seems to help me. This will also strictly limit the conversations one may have with company, keeping all references to a missing partner moderately within the scope of one's desire to bring it up (see 2).

2) As much as possible, go out for your socializing needs.
Limiting the amount of time one is seen at their shared common dwelling cuts down on the stresses of the solo clean up afterward (and the awkward explanations conjured to satisfy my nosy neighbors).

3) Be sure to keep your bank cards and accounts strait.
Sloppy accounting, or using the wrong card will put an enormous strain on your relationship. With today's "online banking", they can easily see where you have spent money, be smart at the strip club. Get in the habit of withdrawing small amounts of cash while at the grocery store. This way I can make it rain, without the mental strain.

4) Keep a separate stash of condoms buried in the back yard.
You are a highly intelligent, sophisticated, intuitively savvy individual (as is evident by your subscription to and commenting on this very blog. Congratulations, you win); no doubt your life partner is a reflection of your superior intellect and fully grasps the difficult challenges of your long distance relationship. They, no doubt, are keeping an accurate accounting of the number of condoms purchased, used, and remaining. Double zipper lock bags within a dark garbage bag will protect from both moisture, most garden critters, and in the event the dog inadvertently unearths the bag again, they will have a modicum of UV protection.

5) Top off all lubricants before going to the airport to pick up your life partner.
On-the-spot excuses are dangerous as the lies one makes up can only account for so much. Take the time to remove all visible evidence of any "good times" you have had while your life partner has been away. Avoid use of baby oil as its odor may give you away. A pure vegetable oil can fill the gaps until a new bottle of lube is purchased (see 3). If sex is demanded while in the possession of the vegetable lube, remember when the hot and heavy is over be the first to say, "Wow, I just got the strangest urge for some fries!" (always be first).

6) Do not peel, pick at, or attempt to pop any genital pustules, regardless of how they itch or burn.
Okay, so you forgot your condoms, it happens, just don't blow it by making it obvious that you have been having unprotected orgies with Brazilian sex slaves. Use caution when bathing as, in an attempt to clean the blistering rashes, one may rupture the boils, spreading the infected puss. If one cannot discretely see a doctor before the infestation becomes apparent (via the tacky/sticky bed sheets; audible "duct tape peel" sound, which accompanies the removal of one's undergarments; or by the mildly acrid smell which is wafted in your passing breeze, or that accompanies your standing after having been seated for any considerable amount of time), make use of the rule (see 5), always be first. Blame your life partner before they are able to blame you. WARNING: Do not allow the dog to get too nosy... Fido already dug up the hidden jimmies, that's why were in this mess in the first place. It may be best to deal with the dog, before Fido gives you away by constantly sniffing your stinky crotch.

7) Keep all prescription creams, ointments and other various medications, well hidden.
But, not too well. The doctor said he couldn't be seen until next Wednesday, WTF! Way to go Doc! These blisters itch like a biblical plague, and I can't find my salve anywhere! I know I put it in the kitchen under the sink right behind the... The fucking dog ate it. That son of a butch ate my blister medicine, God damn it! I'm about to scratch the skin off my scrotum and that fucking dog... I know that fucking dog ate it. I'm done with that bitch, we aren't fucking around any more Fido!

8) Don't kill your dog.
He didn't eat my blister medicine. After having chased him around the yard for three hours, I was finally able to pin him with the lawn dart. After getting my tool box, gutting him and going through the contents of his stomach with the carpet knife, I found that I had actually put my blister medicine in the tool box, inside the assorted tacks.
The smell... it won't wash off. That was our dog... what have I done? Shit! They're going to be home soon! Oh God, I left a footprint trail of blood, feces and fur...

9) Invest in a good rug shampoo machine.
The floor is still wet. I barely had enough time to put the unit back. The last time I used that old thing, I didn't empty the water, so I had to reuse it... The heavy musk of the brown liquid might mask the dog... well... remnants for tonight, but when it dries I'm pretty sure its going to crunch when walked on. I don't think the four Glade® PlugIns® are going to cut it for long either. I hope it doesn't rain tonight. I had to portion Fido into small enough sections to stuff into that condom hole. I dug it out a bit more, still it's not very deep; but seeing as how I have a flight to catch right after the gathering and the fact my partner is already here with the guests, I don't have time to really clean up... or morn.
He wasn't a bad dog! Oh God, I'm going to start crying again! I told my partner that, in the hopes of getting some alone time, I took the dog to a friends! They better not spill the beans on this! Oh, I'm so fucked!

10) Keep good friends around you.
The damned dinner party is over. I lucked out; one of the guests brought a large dish of kimchee, no one noticed the smell of dog feces and stagnant mold. My friend has my back on our missing Fido, so that gives me some time to figure out what to do regarding the dead dog in the backyard, I'll miss you Fido... My partner is seeing the last of our guests to their car, so I only have a few minutes to get some of this blister ointment on my junk. Wow, it smells like a menthol cocoa nut! I know I'll be expected to perform tonight, I've got to psyche myself up... Maybe one or two of these blue pills from that Brazilian "worker", it got me in the mood last time...

11) Just say no to drugs!
So... Airport security pulled me to the side when I got off the plane to make my connection. The guy said I was randomly selected, so I had to follow him to a secure room where I was strip searched... fucking pills. I'm not deaf! I hear the people behind that fake mirror, "damn!"
He told me to bend over and spread my cheeks, when I did one of the blisters on my taint popped. Some of the puss landed in his coffee... I don't think he noticed. One of the other guards dropped off some papers and brought me a cup, I guess I'll be here for a while. I still haven't lost wood... damn.

12) That fucking dog!!!
I'm busted. I was arrested for animal abuse; my "friend" ratted me out after my life partner showed up to check on Fido. That dick! Why didn't he just not answer! Airport security turned me over to the Port Authority. The guy said he was willing to take a statement right there if I wanted to talk about what happened. I purposely dropped my pen, he leaned over and when he came up I knocked him out with my insanely stiff penis. It didn't even bend, the impact was crazy solid! The door was locked from the outside, but with how hard my stiffy was I figured I could use my penis to break the two way glass. One swing is all it took, the glass didn't break, the wall supports actually fractured. The thick laminated shatter-proof mirror fell back into the dark hollow of the observation room, crushing the recording equipment which caused a small fire, that I was able to use to burn all the paperwork they had on me.

13) Birth of a Valentine's day super hero!
I escaped Airport security, beating my way through wave after wave of flash light cop with nothing but my incredible penis, but then the real pigs came! They told me to drop my weapon, I told them it was impossible, but they didn't believe me so they started shooting! My amazing penis, having a mind of its own, deflected the bullets back at the police. Attempting to run I slipped on a shell casing, but my swollen member caught me, mid-fall, and I was able to flee, bouncing on my penis like Tigger.

Now I'm known as the Valentine's Day Matador.

I hope you enjoyed my tale-gasm for all the distant lovers.

Glade plugins trademarked by S.C. Johnson & Son, Inc., no affiliation (as if you thought there would be one?)